People ask me why to I push to care when they push me away. Its in my nature I can't give up I don't know how. Then I think about all those times I was to give up on myself. But all those times I did something else to change my decision. Like there wus two of me one wanting to lay down and die the other dragging me along to keep going. Its not that I really wanted to die I just forgot how to live. I always thought Malakai wus my light, my savior, my motivation. Then I am giving him too much credit. He thinks he 'fixed' me. Another Ego boost for him I guess. NO ONE has been there for me like I am for others. NOT EVEN MAL. Ya he wuz a great comfort I loved him with all my heart. But YOU DON'T HAVE TO BREAK IN HALF TO LOVE SOMEONE. He let me and I let myself. He slowly broke my heart. I love him like I love Chris Burrer and Brandon Barrett. Wait no not even close to them. They have been there to witness what hell I endured. They are real heros in my eyes. I love those to SOO MUCH!!! They are locked in a time where they will never change. Locked deep inside my soul where my love for them is safe and NO ONE can touch it. Malakai will never get that far. Always I believed I wus under his wing. Of all his gestures he saved all the great for SUNNI MICHELLE GRANBOIS. Like I wus just a stand in, a poor mans SUNNI. When he lost her all together he sold his soul. I love him yes, I am not in love with him. Which is worst then not having him at all. Yet he won't let me go. Ritchie said 'Not letting go is a form of control'. Mal claimed in the beginning I held on to him because I didn't want ne one else to have him. That wus Sunni's forked tounge speaking of course. The real reason I gripped him wus because I held his pain and hid it away if I wusn't there he would have desended farther away beyond my reach. The end result I joined him to keep him company and I looked around and seen how darkness smothered all my pain but made them come back in different forms. LOVE IS THE SLOWEST FORM OF SUICIDE!!!


"PAIN IS YOU GETTING RID OF YOUR WEAKNESSES"

I've suffered, I've hurt, I've shed blood. I got the scars to prove my strength. Those arn't WEAKNESSES! Not in my eyes. Superficial acts I can see. Hence the reason I quit. I refused to risk the thought of that upon me. See I believed in it so much, I protected it. I covered them up so no one could see. They belonged to me. My weapon of choice in a sense. Never will I make a mockery of it. I have seen that before. It disturbed my soul. Angered my spirit. Yet never again will I cut like I used to. I have purged the habit.



*SILENCE EQUALS NON-EXISTENCE*



LOVE ALWAYS,

AnGeLiTa AmOr